i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
