trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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