I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
