when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
