last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
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I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
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If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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