she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
