soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
