On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
