Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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