let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
