Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My dick has a subreddit
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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