4 words: hood of his car
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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