She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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