hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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