i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
