I got her a Nickelback box set.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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