we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
