quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
