Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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