i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
