Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i wish my penis had a tongue
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
