Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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