You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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