Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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