I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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