It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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