I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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