oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
