You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.