I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
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I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
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You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.