Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.