I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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