Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
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I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!