is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.