the condom got lost in my hair
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy