Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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