Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
