some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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