Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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