party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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