So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
