i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
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Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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