Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
