is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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