Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
