he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
