tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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