did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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