I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
