i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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