it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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