i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
