theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
