I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
