True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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