at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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