Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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