She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize