And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
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After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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