can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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