Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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