My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
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I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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