Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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Someone shattered a urinal.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
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17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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