I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
