If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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