Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
