grandma shit on top of the toilet
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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