he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
